Preferences vs. Obligations
By Elyse Brogdon, Citizen Yoga Director of People + Processes and Yoga Instructor
In a world with seemingly limitless options and access to more information than we’ve ever had, living to fulfill our personal responsibilities has become increasingly challenging. We are given constant messages about having the freedom to “do what we want,” while collectively becoming less connected, less fulfilled, and more stressed. Though it may seem contradictory, a life driven only by preferences can be as prohibitive as one with very few choices, in that we become trapped in our likes and dislikes. Instead, when we live from a place of personal duty, service becomes energizing, responsibility becomes fulfilling, and every action carries us further along the path of spiritual development.
In the yogic tradition, we call this highest form of obligation our dharma. Svadharma refers to the duties of an individual based on their unique personal nature that lead towards personal fulfillment, while paradharma refers to the duties that go against one’s nature and create feelings of fear and frustration. Being able to uphold our obligations therefore relies heavily on truly knowing ourselves, understanding our nature, and doing the work that we are meant to do.
When faced with a new choice, role, or responsibility, we generally have one of three responses: “I want to,” “I should,” or “I choose to because it is the most aligned action for my highest self.” “I want to” - the response that is rooted in our preferences - speaks only to likes, familiarity, and comfort. When we operate from preferences without awareness, we begin to confuse comfort with clarity and wants with needs. “I should” is rooted in the expectations that have been forced upon us, and can feel performative, heavy, or based in fear and shame. Ultimately, we hope to respond with “I choose to because it is the most aligned action for my highest self.” This is the response that arises from the deepest parts of ourselves and answers the call toward participation, contribution, and responsibility.
Today’s prompt:
Choose one role that you occupy in your daily life. Write out the primary obligations associated with this role and consider: are these obligations aligned with my personal nature? Does upholding these obligations make me feel depleted or powerful? Is there another role where my obligations are more fulfilling?
