How to Support Others without Losing Yourself
By Melissa Wagasy
What is your why?
I didn’t realize my natural predisposition as a caregiver until a conversation with Kacee more than five years ago. I thought you needed to be a parent or have a “family” to be a caregiver. I didn’t have those things and assumed that omitted me from being able fulfill this desire and to a degree my nature. This was quite painful to me, because I felt like I couldn’t fulfill this piece of who I was because of life circumstances.
I was taught doing things to make life easier for others is a way to demonstrate your love. Caring for others through meaningful actions, big and small is important and a way to connect with others. I realized I could do this outside of a traditional family…I could care for my friends, students, colleagues and even strangers in an impactful way. This reframing enabled me to feed a part of me that had felt like a failure.
When you are someone who cares deeply for others and wants to make the lives of those around you easier, it can be easy to get lost in that. It can be difficult to discern why you are doing things to support others…is it altruistic, is it something you feel like you must do or is self-serving in some way? I think it’s important to ask yourself why and be intentional with your energy and actions.
In our practices we talk about how two things can be true at once. Often when we are supporting someone else, we are concurrently supporting ourselves. Especially when we are clear in our why and not expending energy to our detriment.
We are human and won’t be perfect in our efforts. Sometimes we will expend too much. The key is having the awareness to check in with yourself and know when to pull back. What fills your cup that doesn’t involve giving to others? What is self-care for you? When do you need to ask for help? There is power in asking for help and in the willingness to receive as well as give.
Today’s Prompt:
Do something today for someone else, and then also do it for yourself. For example, buy a loved one their favorite coffee and pick up one for you, too. Or, call someone you love to let them know how much they mean to you, and give yourself 1 minute of positive affirmations in the mirror.
